Yoga and the continued shedding of my arrogant shell

I have not posted something about me and my practice of yoga for a little while.This morning I was looking through my archives of this blog of posts around this time last year.I will repost one of the blogs later as it is symbolic to me of the birth of spring.It seems that spring came a tad earlier and warmer last April and the daffodils and tulips were more in full bloom by now last year.It seems that ,I too was in a more verdant blooming state.This year feels more subdued,that spring is more tentatively becoming, that I am more tentative,reflective and subdued.
A few weeks ago as I was practicing dwi pada shirshasana , I was practicing less thoughtfully and less attentively.As I lifted my left knee behind my shoulder, I heard a cracking,tearing sound in my left knee.I had not been warming up ,that weaker left side as I assumed greater mastery than really existed.I was not listening or paying attention as I usually do.Luckily,it is a minor I jury that is healing, but I have backed off now from going further than dwi pada for the past month. Initially , I was angry as I felt I had ,"worked so hard to get where I was, that I deserved to continue because of so much effort and dedication".I had practiced with regrets and loss for a few weeks that were not nourishing to my soul and only fueled hostility.
For the past few weeks,I am practicing with a new group of people, a new teacher as the place I had practiced no longer has mysore practice everyday. That too was a great loss of the comfort of a teacher, friends and a shala that sustained me for many years.
For the past two weeks,my new teacher has instructed me to back off, in effect, "took away" from me what I considered were my "hard earned poses".I was initially hurt and humiliated , but obliged to the wisdom of my teacher.My practice seems deeper now, more wholesome, less rushed.The reflection and quiet is returning.Somehow, less is truly more and surrender to what abides in me seems as it should be, just okay, nothing glorious, nothing sublime,just nice old okay.
I reflect now on the "things " that I hold onto, that I claim are mine because of" my effort, my dedication,my hard work, my desires".I am humbled by the absurdity of the notion of holding onto the permanence of anything other than the hope to take note and fully attend to when things are just okay and to celebrate when life is okay......



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