I am in the process of shifting things in my work,so that means changes for me, changes for some of my patients.Transitions make us anxious,we feel in limbo,uncertain where or how we will land.There are times at work that I feel overwhelmed with the gravid nature and complexity of the many challenges that occur in my patients life.Often,I feel helpless myself andvthat what Ihave to offer in the way of help is infinitesimally small and insignificant with such larger looming problems.Yesterday , I had a unique experience in that a group of my patients were told by someone in the office that there are changes going on and I would be seeing fewer patients.A rumor had spread that I would be "getting rid of some patients", a very poor choice of words to be heard by anyone,especially those that are already feeling marginalized.
Yesterday ,evening a man and his daughter came to their regularly scheduled appointment.As you know,I have a special place in my heart for fathers who give good care to their daughters.This dad is a single parent ,who works as a truck driver.He and his little girl, who is actually my patient are kind of scruffy looking,their clothes usually are stained with some kind of food that spilled on it,their hair is kind of wild and messy, the little girl is sweet , but wild and impulsive.Her dad always reports to me how she does in school, meetings he has with her teachers to make her life better,discussions he conducts with family members to teach them how to help her when he is away driving his truck.They go on little road trips together in the summer.What consistently comes across is the unflinching love and dedication that he has for his little girl's well being.I am certain that their live are not easy,but they are content, grateful and dignified.Towards the end of our visit,the dad looked at me intently and sadly with tears in his eyes and humbly asked me,"so are you getting rid of us."The dad got quiet and started crying.He started to tell me about the many times he and his daughter have been,"gotten rid of" because they are kind of scruffy and not always with the most refined manners.He said , he and his daughter were hopeful when they met me that I would not get rid of them.Little did he know,that much of the time I am so inspired by his courage,by his ability to live in dignity with very little and for his unwavering unremitting love for his child.I told him,I am not getting rid of him or his daughter,that I appreciate his sincere efforts to do what is best for his daughter and when and if I move on ,I will make sure he has a place to go with her that will care for them well. I am finding as I wind down in this job,I feel less encumbered with all the minutiae of details of paperwork, administrative duties and I am discovering that more and more I find myself in the presence of greatness and nobility.I am seeing parts of humanity that bring me to tears ,to be privileged enough to witness that which is so awe inspiring in those that have entered my life.Perhaps , it is the process of winding down and not trying so hard that allows us to see each other in grater clarity and appreciate....
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